Two Friends of Mine

Women doing the work

I have two friends who, each in their own way, is making a difference in their communities. I’ve been thinking about them a lot as examples of action. So many of us are feeling overwhelmed by the world right now, stuck, in our sadness and grief. I find that when I feel this way the only way forward to some kind of intellectual or emotional relief is action. There are many ways of responding to crises that are far away (or close by). Supporting others who do the work is one way.

Let me introduce you to these women whose communities are quite different as is the work they do, but the result of their action is felt in waves that ripple out.

Delilah Snell with her beloved pup Hook at Alta Baja

First up is Delilah Snell. I love her. We’ve been friends for years. Delilah owns Alta Baja Market in Santa Ana, a place that shines a light on products and culture on both sides of the border. But it’s so much more than a store or restaurant, it’s a community center. One morning in 2022 when the pandemic seemed to be easing and things were opening up Delilah arrived at her store to be greeted by the sight of the street immediately in front of her business completely ripped up. Without notifying any of the small businesses in the area, the city was going ahead with a long-planned tram installation in downtown Santa Ana which would mean another closure and months if not years of disruption. This was to bring local, small, mainly Latino owned, businesses to their knees at a time they were barely surviving the effects of the pandemic. Delilah was devastated. Then she got really angry. Then she organized. She became a voice for small businesses in the area. She helped owner write letters and created a series of town hall meetings so that city officials would understand how much business owners were hurting. In the process she created a way for local business owners, many of whom are not English speakers or familiar with speaking up for themselves to do so. Powerful action. She’s marginally less angry and has made a lot of people in her community feel empowered. Community has always been at the center of whatever she does. Siete Foods recently recognized her work with a $30k grant saying that she, “celebrates the flavors and the cultivators of Mexican-American culture. With her strong sense of entrepreneurship, she has built this business thoughtfully for her community,  aspiring to bring new and exciting offerings—from delicious foods and home goods to unique events.”

I love this selfie of Miry, a walking billboard of compassion in action

Next up is Miry Whitehill of Miry’s List. How do I explain Miry to you? She’s like meeting a force of nature, someone who has such belief and trust in all of us that we’re going to do the right thing for the right reasons. And we do. For her. Here is an explanation of what the organization she founded does. Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the incredible challenge of resettlement in the United States. With practical support and joyful friends waiting to welcome them, resettling families are set up to thrive through Miry's List's wrap-around programs that extend long beyond government support.

But that description doesn’t do justice to the joy one feels being able to give practical help to someone you’ve never met. The lists themselves are a magical reciprocity of giver and receiver. Miry’s monthly newsletter that’s used to introduce us to individual families who need help, is always accompanied by a letter from her. In August she spoke about mental health and a particular paragraph continues to resonate for me in light of so much grief felt by so many worldwide over these past several weeks. She wrote, All 7.8 billion people on planet earth, everyone in history who’s ever breathed our air, and everyone who will exist in the future faces difficult emotions. It starts from the moment we’re born and it lasts a lifetime. Managing a full range of feelings is our shared experience tying us together as humans. Our connections to one another make it possible for us to face the pain that life brings us…Through Miry’s List, I’ve learned that every ounce of compassion I find for myself becomes two ounces of compassion and understanding I can have for somebody else. In this way, when we care for ourselves, we are also caring for the whole world. 

I hope that sharing my admiration for these two women with you acts as a reminder that action (no matter how small) is a way to manage anger, fear and grief. Do it for yourself and your communities whoever they are.

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